Happy Birthday to Me!

Today is my 69th birthday.  It's the beginning of the 70th year but I will not call my blog "Year70."  I am thinking about a new title for a new year.

I can look back over the last year as a gift, the "Gift of a 69th Year." I found plenty to do in my retirement.  I travelled alone to Brown County, Indiana and to New York City.  I helped our children and grandchildren in Princeton, New Jersey and Gladwyne, Pennsylvania at busy times in their lives, including two weeks welcoming little Alex Conway in January.  I was able to see dance recitals, baseball games,  a chorale concert and a baptism.  Jim and I had great adventures travelling to San Diego, Indian Shores, Florida, and Arkansas, Louisiana, and Mississippi along the lower Mississippi River Road as well as beach weeks in South Haven and Holland, Michigan.

I sang, played the organ, learned about art, and read lots of books.  I blogged and will "publish" this blog on Blog2Print for my own memories. 

My health was good except for this latest bout of insomnia; Jim had several issues, but is doing better now.  We lost Jim's mother which is both a relief and a void in our lives.  I have no desire to live to a very old age if it means dementia.  Limitations are to be expected.  I don't spend much time thinking of the future but I do note the ages of those whose obituaries are published. 

Next year?.  I hope to keep travelling and visiting children and making music and reading and learning.  I am obligated to do one more year of being an art museum docent.  And then we'll just see what else might come along.  

I lit a candle at the Grotto this morning with prayers for my own mental health and strength and the ability to live with joy and to serve others.

A glass of Pennsylvania wine

How much do you want a glass of wine?  Well, it seems that we really did and the harder it was to come by, the more we wanted it.

We are on our way home from Gladwyne, Pennsylvania where we witnessed Alex's baptism.  That is what I should write about and not this.  We stopped in Donegal for the night at a Holiday Inn Express, a very familiar stop for us.  Sadly, our favorite bar, Main Event, has closed.  No more great burgers and glasses of wine filled to the top.  When I gasped at her pour at our first visit, the waitress said, "You're in the country now."

The innkeeper suggested a family restaurant but I asked for a suggestion where wine was served.  She said to try Out of the Fire Café.  Another traveler said that it was a bit pricey but great.  We were shown to a seat, and looked over the menu.  The waiter saw us turning it over, looking for a wine list, and told us it was a BYOB establishment.  We asked where we could get a bottle of wine and we thought he suggested a 7-11 down the road but warned us that most of the wines were sweet.  That was a puzzling remark.

Down the road we went, stopping where we saw a Beer Distributor sign-but it was beer only.  The proprietor left his TV watching to tell us that there was no 7-11 down the road but the road itself was called Pa711 and there was a wine place a bit farther on.  When we got there, it was closed, but the proprietor of the beer place next door to it offered to open it for us.  Yes, most of the local Pennsylvania wines were sweet but we found a bottle chilled that seemed suitable-for $16.99--at least  a few dollars more than we usually spend.

We purchased it and at that point decided we were not going back to the Café to pay over $30 for each dinner and a corking fee.  So, MacDonald's it was--great burgers and fries in our room with a very nice wine to enjoy as well. 

A Busman's Holiday

Louise Nevelson

My docent duties at the South Bend Museum of Art were cancelled so I was left with a morning open for adventure.  I decided to visit the Midwest Museum of Art in Elkhart, Indiana, a place that has been on my local "bucket list" for a while. 



Grant Wood

It was a pleasant 30 minute ride on mostly country roads to 429 North Main Street, a converted bank building in downtown Elkhart. I knew it was a pretty informal place when  the woman who greeted me couldn't seem to open the cash register so she told me to pay my $5 later.  I looked briefly at a Lincoln exhibit and then went on to the  galleries named for Richard and Jane Burns.

A work by Ed Paschke caught my eye because we have his strange portrait of a tattoed woman at the South Bend Museum of Art.  He is a Chicago artist--not surprising to find his work in Elkhart.  What was more surprising was to see works by Nevelson, Albers, Calder, Warhol, Rauschenberg,  Red Groom, Robert Indiana, Elaine De Kooning, and Grant Wood also hanging in the same galleries.. 


Ed Paschke

The docent who welcomed me asked if I had any questions.    When I mentioned how amazing it was to have these well known artists represented in their small museum, she said that she had scorned visiting the museum when she moved from NYC and said what will they have in the middle of those corn fields?  Pictures of corn growing? Now, she volunteers almost daily and her enthusiasm was obvious.

There is a large room upstairs with many lithographs of works by Norman Rockwell.  Some are the famous Saturday Evening Post covers but others were illustrations for Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer. 

Overbeck Pottery

 I was not as interested in them as I was in the next alcove which featured Overbeck Pottery, works done by three sisters in the early to mid 20th century in Cambridge City, Indiana.  There were six sisters in all, one who was the housekeeper, one who was the business manager, and one who was an early teacher of the others but died in 1911, the year the studio was founded.  Only one of the six married and had children who apparently still hold the secret to the glazes used.  I enjoyed their pottery and "grotesques" or little exaggerated figures, but also the idea of these  self-sufficient and creative women working in a small town in Indiana whose works won prizes and are displayed and valued in many places.

Anthony Droege

Later, Brian Byrn, the curator and as he said, the only curator, answered a question I had about white space in a painting.  He said it was intentional and probably was a magazine cover with space left for the title and contents just like the Norman Rockwell lithographs  He was eager to tell me about the Still Life exhibit--100 years of still lifes--both representative and abstract--that is just opening.  I was happy to see a Anthony Droege painting--again one of the artists at the SBMA. 

I browsed in the gift shop and decided to buy two tiny vases as a souvenir.  Byrn introduced me to the woman who wrapped my vases carefully.  Her name?  Jane Burns, the name on the gallery.  I was touched and said that while touring the museum, I was thinking about those who gave the money to buy this art and what a fine thing that was.  And here she was, wrapping my small purchase--and I could thank her personally.

Not such a quiet day!

Today was first Tuesday that I did not go to choir.  I was scheduled to do two fifth grade Museum Mornings at the South Bend Museum of Art but they were cancelled late last night. Suddenly the day was open and free.

Before I was retired, that would have pleased me immensely.  But today I was disappointed and couldn't seem to think of something that I wanted to do that would make it a good day.  Plus some allergies were bothering me and I did not feel full of energy.

So it is now 5:30 pm and soon Jim will be home for supper and I will have stories to tell him after all!

I was reading a great book (Snow Leopard) and found myself reading the same paragraph three times.  I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.   I was startled when the door bell rang. A very young man said he was from the sheriff's department.  He looked official enough but far too young.  He said there was a burglary on Weatherstone Court around the corner and asked if I had seen anything?  I had not but I had just walked that way two hours earlier and left my door unlocked. 

Around 4:45, I ventured out again, this time locking our front door.  There were several news organizations clustered on Weatherstone Court.  I stopped and gawked and so did another woman out walking her dogs.  I introduced myself and she did as well.  She said she often reports strangers in the neighborhood because she is a children's author working at home.

When I got home, I looked up her books.  Her name is Diane Bradley and she writes juvenile fiction set in Minnesota's past.  They looked like fun for me to read.  And I looked up the news online and yes, there was a home invasion interrupted by the home owner.  The two suspects may have been armed.  They fled on foot and have not been found yet. 

Maybe this day has been turned out more exciting than I had wanted.

Facing Reality

I am feeling sad because it's time to drop out of the Notre Dame Repertory Choir.  I cannot sing in the  April 19 performance because we are going to witness little Alex's baptism that weekend.  That may be just as well because the music is very challenging and I would  really hate to be the alto who sings the wrong rhythm or the wrong pitch or the wrong vowel sound. This is one excellent and demanding group.

The Britten piece has alto lines that go from a low E to a high g.  I lip-sync some phrases!  The Ralph-Vaughn Williams has an eight part chorus with soloists and if I am not able to be at the performance, the student conductor needs to know how to assign parts.  Carmen, the professor, told me not to sing loudly on my alto 2 part in chorus 2--and I said that I never dare sing loudly in this group! 

The joy of singing with the Repertory Choir has been the challenge of sight-reading and the fun of blending my ordinary choir voice with those who truly have beautiful solo voices.  But the sadness of singing is that sometimes the challenge is beyond my abilities and I don't want to hold anyone back. 

I'll  visit one more time before we leave for the east coast just to listen to how it all gets put together--and to bring a home-baked treat.  That seems to have been greatly appreciated.  In fact, one of the student conductors said that next year they may make it a requirement of any community member who auditions.

Another joy has been getting to know some of the students and attending their performances. I have felt a motherly pride in their MFA recitals and concerts.  I probably went to more events this year than ever before for that reason--and have been really blessed by the music I have heard. 

Buicks and Blogs

I chuckle every time I see this commercial.  An elderly woman who I hope  looks a few years older than I am is riding with a young man and learns that his Buick LaCrosse has wifi. 

"You mean I can update my blog from this car?" she asks.  "Whoaa." 

A bit later he responds in disbelief, "You have a blog?"

Yup, grandmas have blogs!

ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWnGhyNMuFM

Cooking with the New York Times (and Raven)

I haven't blogged for over two weeks.   But this morning I told Jim that I "felt a blog coming on" as Jeff once put it. 

Raven, Dan's girlfriend (seems there should be a better word), has begun working in UX for the New York Times.  What is UX?    UX is User Experience and Raven will be on staff for at least a few months working on product development. . www.cookingnyt.com

I had been getting the NYT Cooking Newsletter for a few months.  Sometimes I am lazy and delete it, but sometimes I click on a recipe that looks interesting.  I have even saved a few recipes on their site, and have tried a Foolproof Apple Tartin which I did burn a bit but it was tasty.

Raven's new position has encouraged me to browse the site further.  We have texted and emailed back and forth several times as she has inquired why I click on some recipes and not others, how I save recipes, and what is the basis for my searches.  I have sent her photos of my old binder full of recipes, including some I've cut out from the NYT over the years. 

Being Raven's mid-Western consultant from Granger, Indiana has been great fun.

 But it has made me think about the transition to electronics here as in so many other areas of our lives.  I send some stamped cards or letters out, but far more frequently use email.  I print up some photos, but save far more on Shutterfly or GooglePhotos.   I use a recipe box and a notebook of recipes, but peruse many more on my laptop. 

Good Things Happen in South Bend, too!

There  was so much to see and do in New York that coming back home to South Bend might have been a let down.  However, this weekend has been one of delight and learning--all centered around Mendelssohn's Elijah performed at Notre Dame's DeBartolo Performing Arts Center with Nathan Gunn in the role of Elijah.

We had been working on Elijah in Repertory Choir with students conducting under the demanding but kindly guidance of Professor Carmen Tellez.   So I had sung many of the choruses, some familiar (Cast Your Burden Upon the Lord, He Watching Over Israel), and some less so (He That Shall Endure to the End).  I probably could have sung in the performance but was not eager to spend the extra hours in rehearsal and wasn't sure I'd have the stamina to stand on stage at length.

Thursday evening Professor Jeffrey Sposato from the University of Houston spoke on Elijah and  Mendelssohn's "Jewishness."  Many years later the Nazis considered him to be a Jewish composer and rejected his works; however, his family converted to Lutheranism when he was seven years old. Sposato compared the events from Elijah's life chosen to correspond to events from Christ's life. The lecture was very interesting and made me more aware of the process of putting together such an oratorio.  After the lecture, Carmen Tellez and Nathan Gunn joined Sposato to answer questions about the work and their own interpretations.

This afternoon was the performance.  After looking forward to it for so long, I almost missed it by assuming the concert was at 7 pm.  I checked the tickets after church and the time was 2 pm!  I would have been heart-broken! 

The performance was spell-binding.  Nathan Gunn's voice is so powerful and expressive.  The young soloists that I know from the choir made me feel a great pride in their offerings--Josh as the counter-tenor angel, Sarah and Jamie as angels, Ben as Ahab.  Carmen was amazing--to have the energy and concentration to conduct for the better part of three hours--and to get such wonderful results from an amateur orchestra and chorus--even if many of them are very good musicians.

Good things happen in South Bend too!

I'm Home Again

I have felt overwhelmed with gratitude for all I was able to do in six days of travel.  Jim and I both spent time with Jeff's family and Laura's family.  I had a wonderful evening with Dan and Raven.  They shared some good things of their life with me--a favorite Japanese restaurant and the view of Manhattan from the Brooklyn side of the East River.  Dan invited me to see his office and I traveled downtown for that as well.

In New York itself, I met with two friends that I know from our church in South Bend.   Maggie is there for a full month and it was great to see her with her daughter-in-law and the new baby--and to get her out for a few hours of walking and talking and eating.  I was able to see Linda who is there supporting her Morgan, her 23 year old son,  and his wife during Morgan's year long treatment for soft tissue sarcoma.  I got teary listening to her but she is very brave and strong and so is Morgan. 

And then the experiences of New York itself--gasping at the Martha Graham dancers , smiling for 80 minutes at "Texas in Paris" at the York Theatre, seeing Pollock and Manet and Van Gogh works on walls instead of in books at the MOMA, meditating on Psalm 104 through Barbara Wolff's illuminated manuscripts at the Morgan--and more.  Looking out at the Empire State Building from my 16th floor window and looking at dirty subway platforms--those are the contrasts of NYC.  Listening to garbage trucks, horns honking, sirens blaring--even in the middle of the night--those are the sounds of NYC. 

A few of the moments I will treasure were when I stopped to chat with someone--a danger of becoming a garrulous old lady--but fun.  I asked a MOMA guard, when I noticed him noticing a baby, if he enjoyed seeing guests smile at the art.  He said that he doesn't look at the faces all that much but once he had a woman fall down at the floor in tears when she saw Van Gogh's "Starry Night." She said she had waited all her life for that sight.  He said he was moved to tears himself.

And then the woman on the train who looked at me a bit askance when the place emptied next to me in a two person seat.  I said that I thought there was room.  She sat down and told me she used to weigh 240 pounds but now weighed 202.  I hoped she wasn't insulted by my comment and said I was looking at the room I was taking up.  She told me, "Don't eat ice cream."  But then when she asked me if I heard voices, I thought maybe we better end our conversation!

I told the check-out fellow at Trader Joe's in Brooklyn (one of 30!) that we needed a Trader Joe's in South Bend.  He said he'd put in a good word if I'd put in a good word for them with only one Trader Joe's for 2.9 million people in Brooklyn!

How grateful I am to have had the energy and the time and the money to make such a trip.  Planning it, doing it, and now blogging about it--and treasuring the memories--all very good!

Travels in February Part II

Today was a bright, sunny day and it was good to be out on the streets in New York City.  I had a pleasant walk up 5th Avenue to the MOMA and an exciting almost two hours there.   That was enough.  All of a sudden I couldn't look at one more work of art no matter how amazing it was.

It seemed legal to take photos so I did--of works that I thought were beautiful or interesting or in one case, very dubious.  Seeing a Pollock or a Manet in a textbook--small and flat--makes one wonder about their appeal.  Seeing these paintings filling a whole wall gives a much different perspective--and appreciation. 

A big red painting caught my eye.  Why do a large canvas all in red?


Vir Heroicus Sublimis ,
Newman’s largest painting at the time of its completion, is meant to overwhelm the senses. Viewers may be inclined to step back from it to see it all at once, but Newman instructed precisely the opposite. When the painting was first exhibited, in 1951 at the Betty Parsons Gallery in New York, Newman tacked to the wall a notice that read, “There is a tendency to look at large pictures from a distance. The large pictures in this exhibition are intended to be seen from a short distance.” Newman believed deeply in the spiritual potential of abstract art. The Latin title of this painting means “Man, heroic and sublime.”

I did as Newman requested and it was like entering "redness" itself.  Pretty cool.


Then there was The Air Rifle Shot one--no hole in the wall--just the words.  That was art as language.  Or maybe just a bit silly.

Dan and I  had been texting and he wondered if I'd like to see his office.  Sure was my reply.  I walked to the York Theatre to get my ticket for tonight's performance--getting a little lost in the church and finding myself in a lobby with homeless folk waiting for their lunch--and then took the E train to Union Square where I met Dan in the lobby at 200 Park Avenue.  The Hammer Lab was a lot different (one room with ten stations or so) than Google's one full block of offices but very nice and a good space--and a good job--for Dan. 

After a little lunch at Pret Manger, I took the 5 train to 42nd Street, got some coffee, and am now relaxing in my room for a few hours.
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10 pm--back at 70 Park Avenue. I skipped the complimentary wine reception, a nice feature of  Kimpton hotels,  and went to church instead.  Really.  I walked to St. Thomas Church at 5th Avenue and 52nd Street and worshipped at the Festival Eucharist for St. Matthias.  I thought it was going to be Evensong and might have preferred that.  The gentlemen of the choir sang and were a bit disappointing to me.  The soprano men's voices seemed harsh. 

 

Go to the previous story

Go to the previous story

I walked the short three blocks to the York Theatre at Saint Peter's Church where I smiled for 80 minutes while Lillias White and Scot Wakefield performed a two person show Texas in Paris.  The music was wonderful--cowboy songs and gospel songs--and the message of racial reconciliation was heart-warming. 

Another Pret Manger half-sandwich and a glass of $14 cabernet from the bar--complimentary with a $15 voucher however--and I settled back into my room to listen to the Irish men lose to Syracuse.

It has been a wonderful day--and a wonderful stay both with family and in NYC.  Now I hope that tomorrow night at this time I am with Jim and home.

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Wednesday: I’m sitting in the Newark Airport waiting for my flight which will not be leaving for another two hours.  It’s OK.  I am glad to be here. 

I had a slow start to my day again which was just fine.  At 10:30 I walked just a few blocks to the NY Public Library and enjoyed an exhibit of 175 years of photography.  It made me value the old photographs that we have that are being digitalized right now in South Bend.

From there, I walked just a few more blocks to the Morgan Museum where I saw the exhibit I had seen in process two years ago. The title "A Certain Slant of Light" --was based on an Emily Dickenson poem and, coincidentally, the 12 Blog quoted that very poem today.  Barbara Wolff exhibited  her illuminated manuscripts of Psalm 104 and Haggadah.  It was a spiritual experience to read the words of Psalm 104 ("You renew the face of the earth") and see her detailed and colorful illuminations.  A video told how she worked, chose her materials, and gave us the one word for this kind of art—“slow.”

I had requested a late check-out, but at 1 pm, I had to abide by it.  After some emailing back and forth, Linda Bolt was able to see me.  We decided to meet at Grand Central Station.  From there, we got a coffee and a hot chocolate and went to my hotel lobby where we could have a quiet conversation.  It was so good to see her and hear first hand about Morgan and about the whole family.  The Bolts are staying at an 84 room Ronald MacDonald House near Sloan-Kettering Hospital where Morgan is being treated for a soft tissue sarcoma. 

After a good-bye hug I walked to Penn Station, got my ticket, and saw that the Trenton train was boarding at that moment.  I ran to the track—down the two flights of steps with my suitcase in hand--and made the train with one minute to spare.  That is the actually always the most tense part of my travel--listening for the announcement and then finding the right track.  So I was glad to be on board.

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One more update--The flight was on time and Jim was on time--and I am happy to be home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Travels in February

Again,  this blog post is to have a way to record memories of travel. The title is significant.  Travels in February present their own problems in the northern climate we enjoy.

We slept restlessly and got up with our alarms at 4 am.  That is the price one pays to take advantage of the United non-stop flight from South Bend to Newark--thus avoiding the often problematic delays or cancellations in Detroit or Chicago. We walked across the snowy parking lot in minus 10 degrees temperature with a wind chill of minus 22!  The seat and the seat belt buckle in the plane were painfully cold and there was no heat until just before take-off.  But the flight went well. 

We took the Air Train and connected with the New Jersey Transit Train to Princeton Junction.  A short taxi ride took us to the Hertz rental agency in a nearby Hyatt where the agent told us our taxi fare ($12 for 1 1/4 miles!) would be refunded!  We thought that was pretty fair!  It was an easy ride to Gladwyne where Jim met Alex for the first time and where we enjoyed the company of three busy grandchildren and their parents.

Michael and Laura fixed a steak dinner and a cake for Jim's birthday.  Ruth  made him a card and so did Jasper in which he had placed a $5 bill in a pocket.   Laura told him that he probably didn't need to do that so the pocket was empty when he gave the card to Jim.

Saturday morning Ruth joined us at 6:45 and Laura brought in Alex at 7:15 hoping to get an extra hour of sleep.  So it was four of us in our bed until Ruth and I went downstairs to make pink pancakes.  Ruth learned that if you lick the edges of the bowl with your tongue, it gets pink batter in your hair. 

Alex is wonderful and totally mysterious.  He smiled and cooed and then suddenly would cry hard.  He could be pacified with his pacifier usually--but not always.  Ruth's language ability is amazing.  She uses words like "definitely" and "apparently."  She told Jim that Grandpa was his first name and then she thought a bit and said that Jim was his next name.

We left for Princeton around 12:30 when the snow was just starting.  The roads got worse as we traveled on and the visibility was bad.  We were very glad when the dance performance at the New Jersey Devils game was cancelled and we didn't need to drive to Newark.  After dinner, Jeff drove us back to the hotel. That short trip was treacherous with roads not plowed or sanded much at all. 
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We treated ourselves to a little 9 pm at Ruby Tuesday's--a short walk across a slippery parking lot.  We had drinks and shrimp fondue with tortilla chips.  Delicious.

We were just settled into bed when the alarms went off with a terrible noise and flashing lights.   I grabbed my shoes and coat and purse and then waited for Jim to dress.  When he took the time to  double knot his shoe laces,  I lost it and started yelling to get going.  We walked down the four flights of stairs and joined everyone else in various states of dress and undress in the hotel lobby.  No information was offered which made it even more frustrating.

 Several fire engines with their crews joined us and eventually the fire chief told us that a sprinkler pipe had burst and that until they could get that fixed, it was not safe to be in our rooms.  After 1 1/2 hours in the lobby, we were told that the 4th floor rooms where we stayed would not be able to be occupied at all.  I quickly asked if we could get our things and go to relatives.  A fireman escorted us and we packed up.  When we were checking out, it became clear that we could go to the Courtyard next door--so we walked on very icy pavement to that hotel.  I checked in wearing pjs--a first!  It was hard to sleep after all that adrenaline was flowing--and also the parking lot was being cleaned noisily.

We drove to Jeff's on Sunday morning, I said good-bye to Jim,  and then Jeff brought Katie, Susan and me to the train station. I enjoyed Katie's photos on her iphone en route.  Once there I checked into the Holiday Inn Express near Madison Square Garden early.  We walked down 8th Avenue, stopping for lunch at a typical NY deli and then waited at the Joyce Theatre for the show to begin.

The Martha Graham Dance performance was marvelous--colorful, dramatic, and exciting.   Some numbers were historic in nature--choreographed and costumed by Graham herself.  Others were newer in origin.  Our seats were great and the theatre was full of a very appreciative audience.  Katie and Susan said they preferred ballet; but I enjoyed this performance much more. 

Susan and Katie went on to the train station and I rested in my hotel room. 

At 5:45 I walked to the 23rd Street station and boarded the A train.  Sadly, the L train which was to connect at 14th Street was under repair so we were directed to board  a very crowded M14 shuttle bus..  I got off at Union Square where I was able to board the L train. When  I arrived  at Bedford Station in Brooklyn, I emerged from underground and texted Dan.  He told me to walk south to meet him and Raven. I asked with some frustration how in the world I was supposed to know what direction was south!  A young, attractive passer-by heard my despair and pointed me in the right direction!  I was amazed that the trains and bus were so crowded on a Sunday evening but Dan said, "There are things to do and people to see," and I guess that was true for me.  However, once again, I may have been the only white-haired person on the trains. 

We had a fantastic Japanese dinner at Samerai Mama.  That included eel tacos, salmon rolls, a salad, beer, and a noodle dish--Udon.  After dinner, we walked to the East River and enjoyed the lights of Manhattan along with a view of  four bridges.   It was an easy subway ride back taking the L train to the N train but there were three long and very deserted blocks to walk along 29th Street to my hotel.

My 15th floor room was right next to the elevator which concerned me, but with ear plugs, I never heard it during the night.

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Monday--Breakfast in the hotel and then the C train to High Street Station in Brooklyn where a very short walk brought me to 225 Adams where Maggie's son and his family live.  It was great to meet Maggie's newest grand-daughter.  We did our usual walking and talking--but in a totally new environment.  We had a great lunch at Le Pain Quotidien and did some grocery shopping at the biggest and most unusual Trader Joe's I have ever seen.

It was an easy ride to go back to pick up my luggage at the Holiday Inn Express and then a mile walk to the 70 Park Avenue Hotel where I was assigned a room with a real view--1603--looking right out at the Empire State Building.  I took advantage of the wine reception to get a Cabernet Sauvignon--but brought it back to the room to enjoy with my Trader Joe salad.

A Notre Dame win over Louisville --and the ability to get it on ESPN2 in my room--gave me something to do when I had no energy or motivation to go out any more today!  I did have close to 16,000 steps on my iphone's health meter!

However it has been a great day and a half in the big city--and I have another day and a half to go.

Nothing to Do?

Yesterday I told my sister during our phone conversation that the only thing I had to do all week was to get my hair cut on Wednesday.  What was I thinking?   She has a very, very busy week ahead of her and maybe it was just the comparison.  I will not be taking care of three grandchildren overnight for the week--or four other grandchildren one day while both their parents are working as she will be doing.

Instead, it looks like just the kind of busyness that is right for me in my retirement. 

I said good-bye to Jim this morning and went back to my warm bed--for another whole hour!  I shopped briefly and unsuccessfully for replacements for lost or broken items and, more successfully, found four potentially good reads at our local library.  I met a young friend for lunch at Notre Dame and got a glimpse into a life much different than mine--one with decisions and opportunities for work and relationships.

I prepared for the Bible Study tomorrow on "Simplicity" and thought about how I need to get rid of all the stuff we hang onto--and that maybe someone else could use. 

So what is ahead for the rest of the week?

The Women's Bible Study and Prayer time at church on Tuesday.

The Notre Dame Repertory Choir class on Tuesday and Thursday.

An Ash Wednesday service which means choosing and preparing organ music, making a soup to share for the meal  and participating in the service.

Two Notre Dame basketball games to watch on TV--the women tonight and the men Thursday night.

The usual stuff around the house--meal preparation and laundry--particularly keeping in mind that we are leaving very, very early Friday morning for the east coast.

Busy enough but not too busy--things to do and things to learn--with plenty of time to relax and be open to possibilities.

The Artifacts of a Lifetime

After Mom's funeral service and lunch at church, we went to Terri's home to look over what was left of Mom's belongings.   Her good china, a collection of "limited edition" plates, various other dishes, her dolls, some Hummel figurines, many photos and scrapbooks, and journals were scattered on a table and the floor.  Terri was eager to clear things out. 

I'm at a stage in my life where I am trying to purge our own belongings.  I took a few photos of our own family and of Jim as a child and a few plates along with their "certification"  that I could pass on to our children as Mom had requested.

Jeff photographed the display and sent it to Susan who thought she would like the blue Delft cups and candles.  Both Dan and Jeff took a few of the old photos.  Dan was intrigued with some of Mom after she had infantile paralysis as a child--relating it to the work Google had done in polio eradication. 

There was a scrapbook made by Mom's mother in the 1930s full of inspirational sayings and clippings cut out of various papers.  Would anyone would find that valuable as a historical record? 

Terri wondered if it was an invasion of privacy to read Mom's journals. Mom had said to burn her letters from Dad.  Maybe I will offer to go over the journals and record parts that would be of value to her children.   As it is, we have over 30 of Dad's journals downstairs that could be donated to the center at Calvin for church history.   We've looked them over briefly and found them very factual without much emotion expressed at all. 

I look at our belongings.  Every painting or photograph on our walls has meaning to me.  Nothing is merely decorative.  Almost every one is a piece of original art or a photograph of a place I loved.  But would our children find value in any of it?  I brought Dan around to see each piece--and then burned his French toast while doing so! 

Who is going to want my wedding dress let alone other sentimentally favorite garments hanging in the upstairs closets?  Who will want our books and records and travel memorabilia?  Our dozens of photo albums? 

My journals have so many good memories in them--but also so much angst because I often wrote for therapy.  I have begun to purge them but it is not an easy exercise to do so.  All the letters from pre-email days--who is going to care about those? 

I guess I better just enjoy our things now because they too may be of little value to anyone else someday. 

The Cycle of Life

October, 2014:  As we drove to Kalamazoo to see Jim's mother, we were talking about her situation in the "memory care" unit where she now resides.  Jim said that sometimes life seems like "an inability to take care of yourself to an inability to take care of yourself."  I found that puzzling for a minute and then realized that he meant that small children cannot be responsible for their self-care nor can a very elderly person who has dementia.

We found Mom dressed and eating breakfast alone in the large central area.  This was good except that it was two hours past breakfast time and she couldn't hear anything.  Her hearing aide was not hidden in her purse or under her pillow this time.  It was in her ear but it needed new batteries.  Once that was taken care of, we could converse a bit.

We went back to her room and she crawled back into bed where she said she felt the best.  Again, I thought about the cycle of life.  An infant eats and sleeps; Mom's life seems also to be one of eating and sleeping.  Not much else seems to interest her very much- old photos, magazines, books, word searches, visiting--all of which used to give her pleasure.

I wondered what we could do to bring more joy into her life.  But maybe eating and sleeping is enough when you are almost 95 years old.

An update a few weeks later:

During one visit we were able to get Mom out in a wheel chair and take a leisurely walk around the buildings.  The colors were beautiful and she was very observant of her surroundings.  She couldn't hear anything and her hearing aid was nowhere to be found.


During still another visit, I brought along music to play--some old favorites and then a hymn book.  She again couldn't hear much, but seemed to enjoy choosing songs for me to play.  One resident began singing "Amazing Grace" very loudly.  I wasn't playing "Amazing Grace" at the time, but I gave up and played it for her!

And then there was last week's visit.  I went alone and found Mom sleeping at 10 am, still in her night gown.  I told her who I was and that I brought her some more fall clothes.  She told me to turn off the light and go away. She covered her face with her sheet.   I went back a few hours later after I had a wonderful organ lesson from a friend who plays at a downtown Kalamazoo church.  Mom was dressed, but sleeping.   Once more she told me to go away and turned her back towards me.  Did she not know me? I don't think she did.  She has always welcomed me and said my name.  I was very sad.

Is this also a part of the cycle of life in which  small children  cover their faces and think you don't see them?

A week later: Jim visited by himself today.  I just couldn't bring myself to go along after last week's sad visit.  His mom was sleeping but she woke right up, greeted him by name and was happy to chat.  They went for another walk outside and she thought that was a treat.  She even gave him a letter she had written to us earlier in order to save a stamp!

One never knows what kind of reception there will be.  I'm very glad she was better today.

-------------------------

January 29, 2015

Mom passed away on January 27.  She had fallen a little over two weeks earlier--right after our Saturday afternoon visit.  When we left, she said she was tired so we made sure she was "safely" in her bed again.  She got up on her own, fell, and broke a vertebrae in her neck.  Since then, she was on morphine for her pain.  She resisted the collar to stabilize her neck; her condition deteriorated greatly.

  My last memory of her will be our visit before her fall when she decided to get out of bed to eat the chocolate truffles I had brought her.  She giggled several times during our visit as we talked about previous times in her life.  It was a good visit--a bit surreal as generations and eras were confused but  a cheerful time.  She thanked us for coming as she usually did.

Jim saw her twice since then.  She recognized him but could no longer converse.  It is such a relief to have her physical and mental suffering over.  She is at peace and we are too. 

Reflections at the Philly Airport

I wrote about my apprehension before I made this trip.  Now  it is over and I am so glad I was able to help and to have the strength to be with Laura's family through an important time in their lives.

In some ways, it was like being a new mother again.  Memories came back of the unpredictability of living with a newborn.  I didn't sleep well for the first week--due to interrupted nights but also my own tendency to stress about sleep. 
My friend Sue said everyone she knows takes a sleep-aid when at their children's homes so I tried Sleep-Eze but it left me feeling awful the next day.  Melatonin was helpful a few nights, but mostly I just got over it and was able to doze even with little A in my bed when he joined me to let his mom get some sleep. 

 The days were alternately very quiet while holding A and doing nothing else--or very hectic with three kids all wanting "cream cheese on my bagel, warm water not cold, an S in chocolate syrup on my waffle," etc. At one point, the older ones came home from sledding with their nanny and all three were talking at the top of their voices telling us about what they did.

 And these kids are their mother's children--they don't need a lot of sleep.  J can stay awake until 10 in his room and still bound out of bed to join me in my bed at 7 am.  Bathtime for three is a hassle but  doing it right after supper and then having playtime or screen time seemed to help.   They love their Kindles,  their Wii and their videos. 

So now I go home to quiet.  I will miss snuggling the littlest one and looking into his beautiful face.  A smile will come soon--it's almost there.  I'll miss the "Grandma, grandma" that I heard a lot. 

I admire my daughter and her mostly calm spirit through this all.  She has begun working more but is limiting her commitments for now.  She says she loves babies and that is obvious.  She also says four is a lot of kids and it is.  I'll pray for her strength and stamina.

Almost time to go home

Monday:  It's snack time at 4 pm.  Alex is sleeping, Laura is out for a little walk, and Promise is sitting at the table with the kids.  All is good for the moment. 

Alex was a little fussier today and needed cuddling and calming.  There haven't been many of those times.  I hope it is not the start of a new stage in his life.

It's the "storm of the century" according to weather reports--for NYC and New Jersey.  Not for Philadelphia, I hope.    The kids all came home from school early.  I hope they can go tomorrow.  And, I really hope I can go home on Wednesday. 

Michael left for Geneva this afternoon.  So this will be an important time for Laura to have me here. 

What has happened since Thursday?

A photographer came on Saturday morning and took a thousand photos--literally, I think.  It was some kind of publicity swap for her, using Laura and her baby, but not the others on her blog.  I was so bold as to ask her to take a few photos of me with Alex. 


Michael took Sam skiing and Ruth and Jasper and I "hiked" at Riverbend where they had done summer camp.  We checked out animal tracks--and our own tracks.

Jeff and Susan and their family came to meet Alex and join us for cheese fondue.  Everyone thought Alex was great.  They thoughtfully brought gifts for all the kids.

Sunday, I walked to St. John Vianney and worshipped at 8 am mass.  One week of skipping church was enough and I wanted to go.  The cantor was the model of what a cantor should be.  I closed my eyes when he chanted the psalm and let the music enter my soul.  The priest was genuine and low-key. During some last minute scrambling at the back of the sanctuary, he asked me what number we were singing! And then he processed with dignity!

I went with Michael to the Y with the kids and,  because Ruth begged for Michael to swim,  I got to watch the boys play soccer.  It was a great practice.  The boys complained later that their team lost the scrimmage and they needed to be on another team--failing to realize that they were 50% of their losing team. 


Our last activity for the day was a trip to Longwood Gardens--more ambitious of a trip than I would have chosen to do, but it was fabulous to see the orchids there.  So much color during such a dreary season was worth the trip.  It amused me to see Laura and Michael driving the mini-van with four kids and grandma in the back. 

So it appears I forgot Friday.  The days get confused.  Ruth and I made a shopping trip to Target and then got caught in a major traffic tie up typical of this area.  I suggested Michael and Laura have a date night so they enjoyed tapas and tequila at a nearby restaurant.  I managed all four kids without a crisis.  It helped that they supervised baths before they left.

Through all of this business, Great-grandma VanderKam is under Hospice care in Kalamazoo barely eating and drinking and using morphine every two hours to ease the pain of her broken vertebrae. We thought it would be the end over the weekend but she is a strong woman. 

When I return home, I will be immediately thrown into doing a Museum docent tour, practicing the organ for Sunday, and keeping vigil at her bedside.

I have prayed for strength many times in the last 12 days and especially during the last 12 nights.  I will need to continue to do so. 

Tuesday:  Alex slept in my room from 10:15 to 5:15 when his mother crept in and took him to her room.  I calmed him down around midnight and checked on him a few times. He and I both slept and so did Laura.  

The kids are home from school due to a storm prediction--that never really materialized.  Michael is in Geneva so I am glad I can be here to help Laura out. 

I had my phone turned off so I didn't see or hear Jim's text at 9:23.  His mother passed away this morning.  I have spoken briefly to Jim and Terri.  Jim is teaching his two classes this morning and going on as usual.  I wept at reading the text but am so relieved and grateful that her suffering is over--and our vigil is over.  I need to tell Jasper at least and he will be sad.  I may post more about the end of her life later. 

Life with Alex at one week

Tuesday--We are all adjusting to little Alexander and his place in our lives.  He has been surprisingly mellow and only cries hard when he is offended by a diaper change or a sponge bath.  Of course, no one lets him cry hard.  We pick him up, replace a pacifier which he really likes, and give him to his mom who is doing great at nursing the fourth time around. 

Life slows down.  I have been content to just sit and hold him or lie down and look at him.  Right now I am drinking a cup of tea--not my usual "cup of tea."  But it seems right for now. 

We get through the nights.  Michael takes a turn, Laura takes a turn, and I have taken an early am turn when Alex joins me in my bed.  Laura's night is especially interrupted into fragments but we try to get her the rest that we can.  I have the feeling of those memories of never sleeping as one would like--partially because of the little guy--and partially because I so much want to sleep that it doesn't come easily. 

Ruth just observed that Alex is not in her mommy's tummy any more and he is not going to pop back in.  Laura agreed.

------------------
Thursday--I think I blog when life is quiet.  Life is not quiet here all that often.  It is quiet this morning with the three older ones in school and Alex sleeping somewhat restlessly near me.

I do want to remember some things about this week and this will help.

The older children are very affectionate to Alex and love to see him and touch him.  Ruth, in particular, has expressed a frequent need for her mother to do things for her, but I think she is often that way.   This morning for example, she said, "I want Mommy to put the butter on my waffle," and there was no way to appease her.  Yesterday she expressed her feelings directly to Laura, "You're always doing things with the baby."  At that point, I took the baby--even though Laura was desperate to nurse him--and Laura snuggled with Ruth.  Ruth pretended to nurse her monkey while Laura nursed Alex, but her helpful big brother pointed out that he was at her belly button and that was the wrong place!

The days go pretty well with the help of  Promise, a wonderful nanny.  Laura has hired marvelous nannies.  She does so with great care and pays them well.

 The bedtimes are not smooth.  I try to help with baths, snacks, and cuddles, but sometimes it is accepted more from Grandma than others.  Jasper and Ruth do not need much sleep; Sam is easier to settle down.  I try to protect Laura from their meltdowns but it is not always easy. 

Alex is one week old.  He has regained his birth weight and more and the doctor said they could skip the one month check up and wait until two months.  Laura particularly timed her appointment for the doctor who has six kids of her own and would be more "chill."  I had great joy in going along with her to see how well Alex is doing. 

I slept better last night--looked at the clock virtually every hour--but went right back to sleep.  Some would call that a bad night--for me, it was just fine.  I might even be so bold as to drive to downtown Philly and visit the Museum of Art. 

___________
A successful trip on I-76 downtown and back to the Museum where I saw the African-American exhibit (not as many Jacob Lawrences as I had hoped) and also the large and famous Eakins paintings of the Gross Clinic and the Adkins Clinic--seen many times in books. I liked this Hicks painting of The Peaceable Kingdom 

Jim scanned my lasagna recipes and I made supper tonight.  It was pretty good!

Alexander James Conway has arrived

Alex is sleeping--maybe--on my bed.  Laura is going to try to rest for a while before the next nursing.  It's about 9 pm on Friday and I am glad I can do this for her. 

There have been good moments and great moments and not so good moments in the last 60 hours or so.  Alex is whimpering right now.

So that was enough for blogging for an hour or more.  And now I'm too tired.  So...later.
____________________

Jim said my friend Maggie was looking for my blog and there were no updates.  I'll try again this morning.   Michael took Alex at 10:40 pm and Laura brought him in to me at 3:30 am.  He had been very restless and he was also restless with me for the next 2 1/2 hours--but Laura was able to sleep at least.  I am very tired and a bit woozy this morning but it's OK.  It wasn't my usual insomnia--I was able to sleep when I had the opportunity to do so.  For that I am grateful!

He is so precious and so little.  His favorite position was right on my chest--like he was in his mother. 

So here are some of the good moments of the last few days:

Walking home from preschool with Sam and asking him what the rocks along the lawns were for.  His reply?  "Maybe tombstones for frogs?"

Listening to Ruth play doctor with her dolls and hear her say to one of them, "Naps can't hurt."

Doing Ancestor.com with Jasper and his joy at putting Alexander James Conway into the family tree.

Playing Scrabble with Jasper and Promise, the nanny, and losing to both of them! 

Eating Michael's coconut shrimp curry dish and his lamb chops.  He seems to like to cook and is good at it.

Knowing that I was able to be here when Laura unexpectedly went into labor at 12 midnight--instead of the planned "calm delivery" she had scheduled for the next morning. 

Seeing the videos of the little arrival at 4 am the same morning when Michael came home.

Retirement has made it possible for me to be here to help.  I am thankful for that--and praying for energy and patience.

Apprehensions

Excited and apprehensive are the way I feel tonight.  Laura texted me at noon today to say she is planning to go into the hospital Thursday morning to deliver her fourth child.  I immediately booked a flight and will be leaving for Philadelphia Wednesday morning. 

I went to New York City two days after Jasper was born; Jasper and I were able to welcome Sam together when he was born.  Laura's mother-in-law Diane helped when Ruth was born.  And now, in my retirement, it's my turn.  I am so excited to meet this little guy and to be a part of the family's welcome of him.  I am also apprehensive about having the energy and the patience it will take to be a part of a hectic family life for two weeks.

I am praying for a good delivery and safe arrival for the little one; I am praying that I will sleep well (always an issue for me!) and will know how to be helpful so that Laura can rest and enjoy her children--all four of them. 

A Week in the Sun

We were a bit hesitant about flying on Allegiant Airlines but the appeal of a non-stop flight to Florida convinced us to give it a try.  The base price was very reasonable but by the time we paid for carry-on luggage and reserved seats, it was not cheap flying.  However, the flight was comfortable and smooth and right on time and we were in Florida in 2 1/2 hours.  We left from a small airport (South Bend) where parking and security were easy and we arrived at a small airport (St. Petersburg-Clearwater) where getting an Enterprise rental car was also easy.  One disadvantage--no TSA priority clearance on Allegiant.

Our first night was in a Holiday Inn Express because the condo rental was not available until Friday--fortunately a day before the usual Saturday to Saturday rentals.  Except for the warm weather,  we could have been staying anywhere in a generic hotel and eating at Carraba's, a chain even found a few miles from our home. 

We hung out at the Inn until checkout time and then drove down US19,  which also could have been anywhere with all of its strip malls and chain stores, to Tarpon Springs, which was refreshingly unique.  The harbor was full of fishing boats, the tourist stores sold the usual kitsch, but also sponges, the historic resource found in the bay, and the restaurants were all Greek in cuisine.  Walking down the streets to where we had parked our car, we saw two unmarked buildings full of men sitting and card tables, drinking, and speaking Greek.  This was a Greek village.

We drove down the Gulf Highway, got groceries at a Publix, picked up our keys at Florida Lifestyles and then drove to 1513 The Beach Cottage, the 5th floor condo we had rented through Home Away.  We were relieved to see it was a lovely, spacious unit with a balcony overlooking the Gulf.  The photos were accurate.

Dinner was at The Pub on the Waterfront where I had shrimp and Jim had ribs.  Jim had lots of football to watch and I read.

Saturday:   We walked to Walgreens, crossing a drawbridge across the waterway, and bought the paper products we needed.  It was amazing to feel sweaty and hot!  After lunch we visited the Bird Sanctuary next door where we were most interested in the white egrets in the tree and the pelicans catching fish in their little ponds.

I read outside on the deck; Jim read on the balcony.  There were many comments and "likes" when I  posted a photo of  his reading a dissertation while on vacation.

Notre Dame's win over Georgia Tech in double overtime made it an even better day.  So did a fun supper at Crabby Bill's where Jim had Key West shrimp and mahi and I ventured into trying Florida crab at the market price.  The waitress said they had not had any local crab over the holidays but the traps had been checked and the crabs were just in today!  With hush puppies and cold slaw, I had an authentic local meal and it was very good. I like a menu that distinguishes "house wine" and "wine for fancy types."

Sunday:  A very quiet day.  We walked on the beach and drove to a crowded John's Pass which was billed as an historic fishing village but was instead a collection of the worst of tourist shops.  I swam in a very warm pool, Jim watched lots of football, and we walked to get a great pizza from Beach Pizza which we enjoyed at our condo.  I spent hours reading The Signature of All Things on my Kindle App--a good long read for a vacation.

Monday:  Another quiet day.  Jim found a nearby golf course, Baypointe Gulf Club, and rented clubs, got a cart, tees, balls, and 18 holes of golf all for about $30.  As could be expected, it was not a well-maintained course and his clubs were pretty bad.  But he enjoyed himself anyway and I enjoyed riding along. 

We walked almost a mile to Salt Rock Grill for their Supper Club menu--which meant early bird specials.  It was quite a contrast to Crabby Bill's with its lovely view of the waterway and male waiters with foreign accents dressed in white shirts.  However, it was not pretentious and the mahi Oscar I had was very nice.  We walked home getting periodic glimpses of the sunset when there was a break in the line of condos along the Gulf. 

We watched an amazing basketball game in which Notre Dame struggled to survive over Carolina and then enjoyed Dan's congratulatory text and phone call.

It was a cooler day--not a wonderfully warm Florida day--but far better than the 5 degrees in Granger.

Tuesday:  Another cool and quiet day.  We had a long walk on the beach but the wind made it feel chilly.  We took another walk later to get coffee and a sweet--and that was enough exercise for the day.  Supper was pizza from Beach Pizza again.  Neither one of us felt like a restaurant trip.

Bits and pieces:  I love seeing the moon over the water.  With a full moon and waking up at 4 am the last two nights,  I looked outside.  Last night it was cloudy, but Sunday night I was rewarded with the waves shining like bright lights in the moonlight. 

Pizza for supper tonight--and for breakfast this morning.  There was just enough cereal for one of us and I was quite pleased with my unusual breakfast.


The oddity of seeing Christmas lights and palm trees together.

The cottage kitsch décor of this place and too many mirrors--but it is very comfortable and home for the week.

South Haven, Michigan is the best place on earth for a week's vacation with the beautiful "Big Lake" and the restaurants and shops all within walking distance.  However, it is not the best place for a warm vacation in the winter!  We have found a restaurant, coffee shop, and pizza take-out within a walk but otherwise a car is needed here. 

Wednesday:  Coffee at 5 pm on Tuesday affected us both with difficulty in falling asleep.  Can't do that again!

Jim golfed at East Bay, a nicer course.  I napped and exercised in the pool.  Dinner was at Guppy's where I got the grouper sandwich I wanted to try before we left--and it was good! 

Thursday:  Very cold overnight--down to the 30s!  But it's -8 in South Bend with wind chill far below that.  We are at the airport now waiting for our flight which is scheduled to leave on time.  Leaving here should be fine--landing in South Bend--we hope for the best.